Where do all the teeth go?

June 11, 2015

We had a big milestone this past week. JoJo lost her first tooth. And by lost, I mean her father finally wore her down and she let him yank it out, the release of which brought first hysterical tears and then, upon realizing it didn’t actually hurt, crazy, psychotic laughter. It was a strange scene; the whole crew standing around this tiny white calcium nugget with a microscopic drop of blood on the end, laughing.


Anyway, the excitement of the extraction was immediately followed by excitement about the Tooth Fairy coming. She placed her delicate little prize in the special tooth pillow she got for Christmas and sewed shortly after, and tucked herself in for the night (an even greater miracle than her giving permission to pull the tooth). She awoke to a golden coin and all was magical in the world.

The next morning, when she and Spike, who sleeps with big sis, came down to show off her new fortune, I asked if she saw the Tooth Fairy. And then this happened:

JoJo: I didn’t, I was sleeping.
Spike: I did! She was like a beautiful very. (very = fairy in Spike Speak)
Me: I’ve never seen her in person, but that’s how I picture her.
JoJo: What does she do with all the teeth, anyway?
Me: Shhhhheeeee …..
Spike: Actually, you know, she has a giant mouth and she takes all of the tooths from all of the childrens of the world while they are sleeping and she keeps them all in her giant mouth.
[moment of silence.]
Me: Noooooo, that’s not it!

And then I never finished or followed up, because, let’s be honest, no one has a good answer. I mean, someone does, but it sure as shoot wasn’t me that day. I never freaking thought about it! If this post serves in preventing even just one mother from dropping the ball that is their child’s dream, I will soldier on feeling like it was a success.

Talking it over with some mommy friends at lunch, I realized it wasn’t just me. No one knew why a person would want a bunch of rotten teeth. And when you don’t have a cute story to tie to something like that, you can find and come up with some pretty disturbing scenarios. We started Googling and discovered that the trending response was that she turns teeth into buildings in her magical town. Lame! She also might plant them so they can become flowers. After this extensive and exhaustive research, I have concluded that the current theories yield answers  insufficient for providing the happiest childhood memories possible. I am proposing a few ideas, and inviting your suggestions as well. Let’s all get on board with a universal story, shall we?

1.) She grinds them up to make her magical fairy flying dust. I like this one because it’s simple, easy for a child to grab on to and better than picturing a woman living in a giant tooth duplex. Maybe we come up with a different word for “grind” though. It’s a work in progress.

2.) She gives them to God and He, in turn, gives them to babies. This one is timely for our house, since Sloppy Joan is coming into some chompers. Plus, I’m pretty sure that kids picture God, Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy playing tag and having tea parties together. And I’m kind of OK with that at their age.

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3.) She’s a collector. I can’t think of a better way to illustrate the concept that we all have different interests, and that some people’s are super strange – what we, as adults, call “red flags” – while other collections are fun, like bottles of wine and Sex and the City seasons. No? (Maybe option No. 1 or No. 2 would be best.)

I don’t remember what my parents told me. I was probably just happy I had some coin to go buy candy so the rest of my teeth could rot and fall out. Greedy little punk. What was your Tooth Fairy story? It’s only a matter of time before she circles back around.



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1 Comment

  • Reply Ashlie June 18, 2015 at 2:35 am

    Spike’s imagination is seriously the best! Where does she come up with this stuff? She puts them in her big giant mouth? In her world she’s a baker and can bake a cake without a mix? I love it. I hope you’re writing a book about what comes out of this one’s little imaginative head! 🙂

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