Here’s a fun fact: A gale is officially defined as a wind of between 32 and 63 mph. A wind blowing from 4-31 mph is a breeze. Interesting, huh? And you know when a gale really feels like a freaking gale? When you’re standing on a mountain ridge with nothing between your pale Midwestern face and the gusts of hell arriving in ripples like mini needle tsunamis crashing against your cheeks. .
I must tell you before you read on, that if you’ve ever associated any of the following adjectives with our group – ”brave”, “tough”, “badass”, “resilient”, “resolute” – those titles will undoubtedly cease after you read this. I apologize in advance for the cowardly, wussified recount that is about to unfold in these paragraphs. Our mismatched posse ranges in age from 13 to 47, and, while not an excuse, it does play a part, though mostly for the four fools who fall in between those outliers.
We woke up to catch the first serving of the Best Western’s finest again at 6:15. Today would be egg rounds and sausage patties on a bagel, with some Kashi on the side. Again the weak coffee. Again the headlines. The softest mist of rain was spraying from the navy sky. I could barely feel it, though I saw the gentle spray falling in the parking lot lights. I recalled hearing thunder the night before, a familiar sound I hadn’t heard since winter’s arrival in Indiana back in November.
I got back to the room and assessed my condition: Small blister on my right toe. Stiff. Definitely dehydrated. I threw a hotel towel on the disgusting carpet and started a weak excuse for a sun salutation. (Sidenote: Who is making these hotel towels and who the hell are they making them for? My left leg? My kids’ Barbies? But like, for real, who is their sample group? I’m all … is this one the rug?) My nalgene bottle was in the fridge and we had a gallon of water we hadn’t used the day before. I started pounding the H2O. I threw down water shot after water shot after water shot. Was there a danger to hydrating too quickly? I figured the benefits outweighed the risks of going back out in my current state. My insides felt like a desert. I pictured tiny vultures circling my deflated organs as I inhaled cup after cup.
The plan was to get dropped off at Neels Gap with our day packs, hike to Hogpen Gap, where we would meet up with The General and Captain Corden, saddle up with our full packs and then hike a few miles until we found a good place to camp for the night. That was the plan.
We made a pit stop at Cabin Coffee Co. on our way out of Blairsville. I’ll go on record as saying it felt a little like a vegan eating a turkey leg. There we were, five tough-as-nails hikers sipping our various milk foam-topped beverages with one pump of this and a frothy dollop of that as we drove toward the mountains to disconnect. That being said, my breve was an absolute delight.
When we got to Neels Gap, I didn’t really have to pee yet, but I figured I should use the port-a-potties while they were there. The door to the soft blue stall slammed behind my husband, who emerged taking a noticeable inhale. Perhaps the first breath he’d taken in 2 minutes. And with good reason. [Omit details here.]
The General pulled away as Just Matt, Bambi, Gravy and I assembled in a staggered line. A thru hiker was filling her dog’s dish with water and rinsing off her camp shoes. A gust of wind ripped through the only covered section of the Appalachian Trail as we passed underneath it.
“Oh shit,” somebody ahead of me said.
“That’s what I was saying all night,” the thru hiker offered. It had not been a pleasant evening in the woods, it was safe to assume.
We began with a manageable incline. I stopped about 20 steps in to adjust my gear. I zipped my raincoat all the way up, pulled the hood over my hat and cinched the cords to secure the material around my face. This wind was going to hand me my ass today. No doubt about it. How could I be sure? If the rainflies on the tents of last night’s scattered campers whipping and thrashing to our right told me anything, it was that Mother Nature was feeling feisty. I imagined the poor thru hikers underneath the chaos – their protective layer the cape, the wind the bull – waiting in their sleeping bags for a sign it was safe to come out. Or that they had to come out.
When we reached the crest of the first hill, it hit me.
“I have to pee,” I said to Just Matt.
“Already? Damn.”
I had him turnaround and watch for other hikers. I’m tellin’ ya, you haven’t lived until you’ve had an arctic blast go blowin’ up your southern hemisphere at 30+ mph with your older brother standing guard. Once i broke the seal, I was stopping every 10 minutes or so. I believe that’s what they really mean by “yellow blazing”. I had over-served myself.
Now guys, when I say the wind was strong, I mean you could lean into it and it would hold you up. Fight you even. It lashed out at my face and bit my ears. There were a handful of times I had to turn my back to the surge and brace myself. One of these instances came before the second climb, immediately following my second pee of the day. My brother and I had this conversation, his phone in his hand. Wind at his back.
“We aren’t sleeping out here,” he said.
“We aren’t?”
“No.”
“The General is going to be so disappointed.”
“No he won’t.”
“Yeah right.”
“He already knows.”
“He does?”
“Yeah.”
“How?”
“I told him at the car when he dropped us off.”
“Oh.”
“I said, ‘If it’s windy as shit out here, we’re staying in Blairsville tonight.’”
“And …”
“And it’s windy as shit.”
Wind from Courtney Leach on Vimeo.
As he spoke he was texting his friend, confirming the Best Western would indeed be hosting us for a third night. I couldn’t say I was disappointed. I mean, I don’t take a ton of time off work, so this is one of like three mini vacations I would take all year. Did I really want to spend it getting tossed around on top of a mountain like a pebble in a giant’s boot? Not really. We could afford the hotel, we didn’t want to freeze and we wanted the youngin’ (Bambi) to come back next year.
We pressed on to the top of the next climb and found Gravy and Bambi standing next to a tree. At the base stood a tiny fairy house. Flat JoJo was hanging out there for an impromptu photo shoot. I turned and found a second. What an adorable little wink from a past hiker. The dainty, colorful display was such a vibrant contrast amidst the sea of brown trees willing themselves toward spring.
We broke the news to the other fellas. We’d be getting off the trail at Hogpen Gap. Gravy seemed a little disappointed. The kid was just fine with it. Television and restaurants trumped dehydrated lasagna and gusts that rivaled the breath of Satan.
We came to the base of the next mountain and found a heart someone had drawn on the ground.
“It’s that couple from Canada,” Gravy said. “The ones we saw yesterday.” We’d passed the husband just minutes before, and would soon meet up with his wife, about a half a mile between them.
As we caught up to her, she smiled and said, “Is he back there?”
“He is,” Gravy told her. “He’s about 10 minutes from ya.”
Another display standing out among the bare branches; A Canadian love story. Who’d have guessed?
We came to a large rock with a phenomenal view. We were two hours into the day and had reached the first photo-worthy overlook. We sat, congregated on the rock’s ripples and ridges, chomping on protein bars, taking in the blue mountains in the distance and listening to Just Matt bitch about a very intense discomfort he was experiencing (top secret trail talk). His booming tone cut through the majestic scenery like Andrew Dice Clay at a poetry reading. Though you’d never know it from the pictures.
Eventually, we would work our way around to another large rock overlook straight across from where we stood in that moment. It’s interesting, when people ask us why we come out to the AT and squander our hard-earned vacation hours on no running water and a backpack full of jerky, I want to take them to these humbling views that reach in and press reset on your perspective. Hiking is a microcosm for life, as I’ve said here so many times. If you show up, and you do the work and you challenge yourself, eventually you’ll reach the reward. And that reward will be more beautiful than you could have imagined; A masterpiece in God’s greatest art gallery.
Sore and satisfied, we climbed into Tank and drove through the winding pavement back the way we came. We couldn’t get into our rooms until 4pm, so we went to Copeland’s, a short walk up the road. We smelled like 5 days of hard work on bodies that hadn’t been washed in 10. I went to the restroom to wash my hands and held them under the warm water, letting them start the healing process after the morning’s bitter beating.
My brother and nephew split an order of chili cheese fries and then Bambi ordered a burger with chili on top. Let the record show, Biscuits and Gravy cautioned against this bold move. All I could hear in my head was the lady from Mr. Mom … “You fed a baby chili?” He could not be deterred.
We checked into different rooms at the Best Western and went about the business of hauling in packs, redistributing food, etc. My left calf was so tight I was walking like Snoop Dogg. I tried foam rolling it on my nalgene bottle, but it was no use. It felt like I’d been kicked by Clydesdale.
Around 5, showered and somewhat bored, we decided to walk to the local cupcake place, which was open for exactly 2 hours a day. We’d missed the window. So we walked down to some fancy coffee place and picked up a few slices of cake, a scoop of gelato and, what else, more coffee.
When we got back to our rooms, a new neighbor had arrived, as had a certain skunky smell I remembered well from the crowded parties of my youth. Every 10 minutes, like clockwork, he would come out of his room, go get into his truck, start it, and then smoke. Only to repeat the whole ritual 10 minutes later.
By 8, my darling husband and I made the executive decision that our bodies needed greens … roughage … fiber. So, we ordered a salad from Copeland’s to split and Gravy walked down to get it. It was not great and we’d probably have been better off just hydrating the heck out of ourselves, but it was too late for rational decisions. I turned on My 400 Pound Life and drifted off.
Around 3 am I heard the truck start up again.
Then at 4:30 …
Then at 5 ….
