s
I just finished Jim Gaffigan’s book “Food: A Love Story” and, in it, he calls New Year’s Eve the Vegas of all things eating. If that’s the case, camping is the Amsterdam. There are things I consume when camping that I haven’t considered acceptable since I carried a 90210 lunchbox.
I love food. That’s no secret. Not to people who follow me here and not to people who know me and have watched me describe a delicious meal – typically using my hands with my eyes closed – in person, offline. Fat is my abusive life partner and sugar is my filthy mistress. I love them both, equally, and I can’t fathom a world without them in it, though in my heart I know both are toxic as hell.
While I can clean out my fridge and pull together a satisfying salad on a normal weekday, when I’m adulting, the second we hook up our camper (Emma #2) and I sit down at a picnic table I’m stripped of all dietary dignity. I crack open a hard cider and before you know it, I’m elbow-deep in Little Debbies. I don’t recognize myself. Or do I? On some level, camping Courtney is much like 10-year-old Courtney; dippin’ those chips like my metabolism won’t quit.
People who don’t camp might not get it. There’s something about being in a situation where a raccoon could come up at any time and steal your marshmallows that forces you to get savage about your snacks. It’s primal. Well, it’s like 35% primal, 65% something to do while you’re sitting around watching other people sitting around.
Here, in no particular order, is a list of regrettable things I have eaten while camping in my 30s:
- Walking tacos with a bonus fistful of Fritos
3 drumsticks (in one day)
Back-to-back Nutty Buddy and Oatmeal Cream Pie
A s’more with a peanut butter cup and Mounds bar
Family size bag of peanut M&Ms
A bologna and cheese sandwich on cheap white bread with mayo
Costco-size bag of Brookside dark chocolate covered fruits (assorted)
Cheetos – puffy + crunchy
Please note that this list is [sadly] not comprehensive.
Our typical agenda is to pull out of town after work on Fridays, eat something carb-centric in the car en route, consume all the food stuffs and beers on Saturday, roll back into town Sunday afternoon sittin’ heavy with a raging stomach ache and sugar migraine. Wait two weeks, repeat.
But there have been some bright spots and good intentions peppered in there over the past four years. I find that the saving grace is 1) a plan and 2) getting the hell away from the camper. Hank and I spent a weekend in Emma #2 while on our 14 Day Vegan Challenge and discovered the beauty of a cashew cream cheese, cucumber and sprouts sandwich. I wrote down every meal that we were going to put in our pie holes on that trip, snacks included, and it panned out.
I also find that, if I hike, if I kayak, if I go sit down by the swimming hole, I come out much lighter than if I hang by the cooler of shandy and get down with the Frito Lay family. You are the company you keep, and when I hang out with the likes of Ben & Jerry, Nabisco and Famous Amos, things get out of control. There are those in this world who can sit at a folding table lined with confections and salty snacks and converse with others and act like a human being who has access to food on a regular basis. I am not one of those folks. And I think knowing that is half the battle.
When I ruminate on my dietary disfunction, I often come back to the fact that I’m fairly certain Pinterest has saved me from full-on blimp mode. I am an obsessive pinner. Things I want to try, things I know I’ll never try, but I’ll tell ya this, those recipes come in handy when you’re preparing for battle against Pringles and pudgie pies.
Here are some of my go-to camping (and non-camping) recipes that please the picky masses and don’t make me feel like an obese sloth.
BREAKFAST
Breakfast sandwiches
I don’t have a recipe for this, but I like mine with canadian bacon, a slice of Chao creamy “cheese”, egg, spinach and vegenaise on a whole wheat english muffin. It’s like your favorite greasy fast food hangover fix, with a big girl makeover.
LUNCH
Hilary’s World’s Best Vegan Burger
Veggie burgers can be kind of gross, let’s be honest. I’ve tried many and, as a girl who doesn’t care for beans, this option is where it’s at. I like mine with a Chao “cheese” slice, avocado and vegenaise.
ENTREE
Potatoes, Shrimp, Corn and Sausage
Friends of ours made this on a fall camping trip and it’s been in the rotation ever since. You could play around with the proteins and veggies to come up with something your crew is in to, but we go for something like these Cajun Shrimp Foil Packets featured on Favorite Family Recipes. Each of the chicks picks out their favorite bits, but I just take it all in at once. Add a dab of Sriracha and you’ll never look back.
SIDE
Marinated Grilled Veggies with Whipped Goat Cheese
By Viktoria’s Table
This is predominantly healthy with a smooth, creamy smooch on the side to get you through. I love goat cheese, so I’m all in here. I prepare the goat cheese mixture ahead of time and grill the veggies on an electric skillet outside of the camper. If you prefer a more rustic approach, throw a cast iron skillet over an open flame and get that Brokeback Mountain vibe going. I mean … You know what I mean.
DESSERT
Grain Free Tahini Brownies
By ambitious kitchen
These mugs are gooey and decadent and everything you want in a brownie. I am 2000 percent obsessed. Plus, you sound super fancy when you tell people the secret ingredient isn’t peanut butter, like their taste buds are telling them. It’s tahini, like the sophisticated folks eat.
No Comments