I released “He Answers to Grief” on March 23. Since then, I’ve sold 130 copies and learned a lot about indie book publishing and myself.
No. 1 – Marketing yourself is massively vulnerable
I’ve been a professional writer for more than 20 years. During those decades, I’ve pasted my byline on more pieces than I can tally–some of which I’m proud of, and some I cringe to think about now. But a book is a different beast.
No one gave me this assignment. I wasn’t tasked with a creative writing project or paid to put down 40k words on loss. This was an original concept, spawned from a life experience, twisted into a fictional novella and thrown out into the big, wild world on a whim.
But because there is no larger vehicle to deliver this little book baby out into people’s feeds and retailer locations, it falls to me, the author, to spread the word to all those looking for a quick read and a good cry. And that is more challenging than I anticipated.
I know marketing, that’s not the problem. It’s marketing myself that sits like spoiled milk in my tummy. Have you ever had to be your own hypewoman? It’s tough! Not to mention, Grief pushed me into the TikTok sphere, which is a whole thing. Am I crazy, or is everyone on there either crying, homesteading or pulling something out of their ear hole? It’s a lot of recycled soundbites and making coffee, sitting in cars. I’m still trying to figure it out.
No. 2 – People are incredible
From the first drafts I sent to a few beta readers, I have been stunned by the support and kindness of the people in my life. Co-workers (former and current), acquaintances, family and friends have shown up for me in this way that no one ever feels they deserve, but we all need on occasion.
When people started texting pictures of their books arriving–I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that they would–it made me cry. I was so nervous about the whole endeavor, but knowing there were others out there who were excited for me turned my terror into gratitude. What could feel better than another soul saying, I want to see what you did?
No 3 – It’s humbling to be seen
That’s a good segue into this last bit. We’re all unique, intricate animals. What makes me tick is different than what makes you tick, than what makes your neighbor tick, than what makes your Aunt Fanny tick. When someone in your life takes a sliver of their precious time to learn about your particulars, and then goes a step further and celebrates them, it’s magic!
I love a lot of things–nature, hiking, deep conversations, good people, baked goods, kayaking, fruity beers and sours, sunrises and sunsets–but writing is my passion. Always has been. And someone taking an interest and wanting to actually read and discuss something I’ve written is my love language. Words of affirmation and all that.
I think it’s easy to forget how good it feels to be truly seen, and I’ve been gifted with some of the most generous reminders from some glorious human beings in the past three weeks. Texts and photos, reviews, emails, handwritten cards, hugs, calls. Being on the receiving end of your love and well-wishes has been a bouquet of beautiful Forget-Me-Nots. Meditations on the undeniable truth that seeing people matters. Understanding them matters. Saying, not just thinking, a sentiment is powerful. And having people in your life who will genuinely cheer you on is a gift. And I will never take any of it for granted.
The Sunday I put the book out there, my youngest made a fuss. She had her dad take her to get a giant balloon and moved it to my bedroom so I would wake up every morning to Congratulations! She crafted paper hats and a banner with “He Answers to Grief.” She and her sisters baked cupcakes with whippy frosting. It was interesting. I didn’t feel proud until I saw the achievement through her eyes. (Even though there were five–yes, FIVE–mistakes in those first copies. If you have one of those, consider it a collector’s item.) I think we all fall victim to that. We don’t see a true reflection in the mirror. It takes someone else to hold up the glass.
Thank you feels puny and entirely inadequate. I have been humbled by your readership and moved by your kindness. Sometimes, the scariest things are the ones that bring the most clarity. And my eyes are wide open to the amazing circle I have around me.
The sucky thing about the subject matter is that we will all experience grief. If you are in it, my heart is with you, just as so many of yours have been with me and my family these past several months. We don’t have to be sad alone.