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Wanderlust

Emma does Port Clinton, Ohio

August 18, 2015

I have been meaning to write this post for weeks now … 6 weeks to be exact. Remember that time I agonized over a career change, and then decided to make it and cried and rolled around in the drama of it all for days? Well, after all of that was a wrap, Hank and I packed up the posse and spent a week with our popup, Emma, and my folks decompressing in Port Clinton, OH. And it was such a lovely little vacation.

We stayed in East Harbor State Park, which was clean and shaded and pleasant. The bathhouses were what you’d expect, with a laundry room in the front portion of the building. I know there was a laundry room only because, about 20 minutes after we got settled, the tornado sirens screamed through the black sky as we crowded into the 10×10 room to sweat profusely with 20 of our RV neighbor folk. I prayed the drill and the mayflies weren’t a sign of the week to come.

Let’s talk about the mayflies for a second because they were something worth discussing. There were thousands of these prehistoric-looking winged insects covering every surface of every stationary object. They disintegrated into mush when you brushed them aside, which always made me feel guilty considering their average lifespan is a brief 24 hours as it is. They exist, essentially, to feed fish, reproduce and die. So strange, isn’t it? We were told they were hanging around later than usual.

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On our first full day in Port Clinton, we took in a roadside produce stand and the Cheese Haven, which had, you guessed it, a lot of dairy. There was a cheddar blueberry wedge there I think of often and regret not grabbing to this day. We had a short hike along an inlet of Lake Erie that led around the campground, went back, packed a picnic and ate on the beach. The distance from the campsite to the beach is perfect for a quick jog or bike ride, and there’s a roped off section for swimming that only goes about 3 feet and has a smooth sandy bottom. The girls thought that was pretty sweet. Even Sloppy Joan got in on the action.

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Sloppy Collage

The following day was my favorite. We took the ferry out to Put-in-Bay (Am I the only one who thought it was Puddin’ Bay?). To my surprise, the chicks acted like the boat ride was something we do on the daily; JoJo even fell asleep on her Papa at one point. It was a clear, breezy day on the island, so we rented a family-size golf cart and putzed around. I totally get how it’s a softer Vegas. I can see the appeal of bar hopping in your cart, getting loaded and going for ice cream. We had lunch on the water, soft serve down the street and basically made our way around in a sloth-like fashion that suited all parties involved. (Fascinating sidenote: Our waitress at lunch was a Put-in-Bay resident. For away games, her basketball team took a puddle jumper to the mainland and her graduating class had like 5 people. #themoreyouknow)

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Our last stop was the Butterfly House at Perry’s Cave. Spikey loves butterflies, particularly those which land on her, so we knew this joint would be a crowdpleaser. Admission was a little salty but the look on the older ones’ faces when we walked in and saw all of the flashy, flapping wings was worth it. A gorgeous flutterbug first found a resting place on Hank’s arm. Then JoJo. But Spike, she waited … and waited … and waited. She would get so close to them with her little face; whispering sweet salutations and wishing out loud for them to come over, but nothing. Until right at the end, a very special little butterfly with very special little wings landed on her tummy and made that little girl’s day.

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ButterflyCollage

The last full day is when things got really. freaking. interesting. My parents took off around 11 am, and we planned to take in the beach, until it started raining. At first, it was an adventure. We placed the E-Z Up over the picnic table and put out the lunch spread. A game of Liar! (think Bullshit, with kids), and we figured we’d be good. Around 2:30 pm, I looked across the trailer and told Hank it was time to make a plan B. The tension and energy needed to shift. So, we improvised with a 40-minute trek to Fremont, OH, for an early evening screening of Inside Out; a cute movie that also prompted JoJo to hysterically cry over the fact that Sloppy Joan was going to grow up. (??) I, of course, cried, too. I mean, Bing Bong … you gotta be kidding me with that.

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The next morning gave us girls just enough time to walk up to the camp store while daddy packed up Emma, and plenty of time to have the kindest/strangest thing happen. We were ambling about, analyzing Snapple options and agonizing over which one treat would make the trip home easier to take … a cheap cappuccino for Mom, a powder/sucker baby bottle thing for Spikey … And this gentleman – about my age I’d guess – was also browsing the Snapple case, looking slightly agitated. I smiled. Spike ran in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “The circus is in town.” He just shook his head.
“Man, I tell ya, my heart is just racing. This little boy just ran out in front of my car,” he shared.
“Oh my gosh,” I offered, as the proper reaction.
“I know.  He ran right out in front of me, and the mom, of course, threw her hands up at me, like it was my fault. I’m shaking.”
“I’m so sorry. I know you must be shaken up.” I said.
“You know what … let me get all your stuff. Please, put everything up on the counter, my treat.”

First thought? Creeper. But then … no.  He totally wasn’t. He paid for our sugary petty treats, told me to have a good day and buzzed out the door. How sad is it that pure kindness never comes without speculation? Maybe the truth was he just needed someone to tell him he wasn’t an asshole, and that it was all going to be alright and the little boy was OK. I mean, let’s be real, it was a camp store and the total bill was like $14, including his stuff, but still. A kind gesture I’m sure to pay forward.

Hank insisted we stop by the beach on our way out of town because the chicks just loved it so much. I will say this, it was breezy. Too cold for this mama and sweet Sloppy Joan, but it made for killer waves. I smiled from ear to ear watching those clowns body surf in Lake Erie. It was so cute … until I had to dress and put those sandy mugs in the car. Have you ever pulled tiny Tangled undies over a cold sand-covered bottom? It’s a joke. But we packed ’em in and made the journey home.

 

I would 100 percent go back, but next time, I’d take bikes for sure and a plan B for what rain may fall.

 

Wanderlust

Memorial Day in Michigan

May 26, 2015

Memorial Day header

Memorial Day weekend for me now, is the equivalent of what Spring Break was in college. It feels like the first steps out of a 100-mile tunnel. We hauled ass outta here Thursday afternoon with our popup Emma, and made the trek to a KOA in Allendale, Michigan. Our reservation was a last-minute call since we only recently became camper folk, and the kind new owners gave us a spot on the lawn overlooking the pond. Very quaint.

Emma collage

Friday morning, while Hank tore Emma apart trying to hook up a water tank, and in an effort to quiet my screaming anxiety (Sidebar: If we’re going to be friends, you must know that I am a complete, intolerable psycho when it comes to organization. I need a system. I need things put away. I need to know where the GD ziplocks are, man. It’s gross and I’m not proud, but it’s my bag of clipped toenails in the closet. The secret side of me that torments my inner circle. So when I saw Emma in shambles, I got the shakes.) I took the girls over to feed the ducks. Only, these were not ducks. I’m pretty sure you could ride them. And they were super domesticated and entitled. A few scraps of enriched flour and these mugs came into our personal space. They were fighting and doing stuff to each other and it all got really uncomfortable really fast.

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So, they chased them.

We hopped in the car and went to explore Holland, Michigan, just a few weeks too late for the Tulip Festival. We buzzed through the Hope College campus and landed at a restaurant on the water, Boatwerks. The food was decent and the backdrop was beautiful (Spike saw the most “indorable” baby geese) but the highlight was hands-down the beer. My mission is now to drink all of the Ciderboys Peach County cider, which will be difficult, because they don’t distribute here, as Hank predicted. Like biting into a juicy, drunk peach …

Now, the cool thing about camping is that you have a group of folks all connecting with their need to disconnect – sitting around mesmerizing, flickering flames and eating things cooked on sticks. The weird thing about camping, I’m finding, is kind of everything else. Like, I love it and I’m all in, but as we were walking from my folks trailer to Emma on the other side of the pond Friday night, it occurred to me that our present circumstances weren’t much different from that scene from every crime show where they go looking for the homeless man who “might have seen something”. We passed site after site with small groups hovering over their modest fires, warming their hands. The conversations were low and muffled … the cracks of what we hoped were fireworks in the background. As we climbed onto our firm mattress, I honestly chuckled at the thought that we were sleeping in an open field, surrounded by strangers with, essentially, a screen door between us. It’s kind of crazy, right? Like good crazy, but crazy.

But I love Emma. I also find that she satisfies that fine line between camping and glamping, or, as I refer to my parents’ unit, “an apartment on wheels”. We keep our street cred with the tent folk, but need only trot over to Mom and Dad’s for TV and a microwave. Boom! Best of both worlds.

Saturday brought official business. We were in the area for a very special wedding for a very special girl. My sister-in-law got remarried. That’s just how our crew rolls; legal unions might be dissolved, but the family one never will. It’s like the Soprano’s, only I’m pretty sure we’re German, and we shoot around sarcasm and digs rather than bullets. So we put on our sundresses and went to the beach in Grand Haven to see her start a new chapter.

Kids were welcome, and in abundance, and as is often the case with beaches, this one was full of sand. You guys, it was like being at an underground feline rave the moment they bring out the catnip. Khakis and dresses be damned. Kids were rolling down dunes and spreading grains like Sparky’s ashes. Beautiful vows were exchanged among a sea of sand monsters. The moment they sealed the deal with a kiss, the gates opened at the Kentucky Derby and the fillies fled to the waterfront with nervous parents trailing, just trying to get that Instagram-worthy family shot. Here’s ours (notice Spike’s wet dress):

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Her dress was wet because …

 

But it was a lovely occasion with lovely company, as could be said for the entire weekend.

Trip High: When a butterfly landed on Spikey, twice! (The Ciderboys would have had it if I’d grabbed a few cases on my way out of the state.)

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Trip Low: Saturday morning we got all geeked up to go for a hike. I put on my Cheryl boots and killer hiking socks from Costco, the girls tied sweatshirts around their shoulders (backpacks, they claimed) and Sloppy Joan was strapped into her carrier. The walk, it turned out, led to a swamp, and lasted a sweaty 5 minutes. The asshole mosquitos and standing water abruptly shat on our adventure.

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That’s a wrap on Memorial Day 2015. We hope you had a great weekend!

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Wanderlust

The popup and the plague

May 6, 2015

Months ago I asked JoJo how she wanted to celebrate her sixth birthday. Her response crushed every piece of my maternal heart. “Mama,” she said. “I don’t think I want to turn 6. I just want to stay 5 forever … and live here forever … and keep my same clothes and my same blankets and live here forever.” It became very clear very quickly that we would have to bring out the birthday big guns. Not clowns … everyone knows clowns are psychotic. Not the trampoline place … I’d surely piss myself. A camping trip? The sparkle came back to her eyes with an enthusiastic “Yeah!”

In tandem with this conversation at our dinner table, my parents were coming into a sweet little popup camper that needed a new home. Coincidence?

Every week that passed brought more excitement and anticipation. We talked about snacks. We talked about our camper. We put the camper up and sat in it in the rain. We talked about snacks. And finally, the week was upon us.This is where our heartwarming tale takes a super shitty turn. Wednesday night, I heard Sloppy Joan coughing. When Hank went to grab her for a breathing treatment, he discovered an unpleasant, deconstructed version of her dinner spattered all over the crib. This was the first act in what would be a very long night of splats and squishes for Daddy, God love him. She’ll be better tomorrow, we thought. She wasn’t.

Friday was JoJo’s actual birthday, and the long-awaited departure day. I packed all morning, Hank left to load and pick up the popup (Emma we’re thinking of naming her). I took Sloppy Joan and went to pick up JoJo and Spikey for the annual birthday lunch at Old McDonald’s. Something deep in my soul told me to pick up the food and take it home rather than linger for the usual scamper through the urine-doused dome of fun. I knew something was off when Spike just stared at her nuggets. Girl loves her nuggets. Two gulps of apple juice – denied. We had a second puker. Maybe she just drank too fast, we thought. We were wrong. Curly tossed more cookies than a clumsy Girl Scout. With my whole family and a caravan of campers en route, I jumped on the grenade and stayed home with the younger two, while JoJo and Hank went north to nature.

Spike passed out and slept for, literally, 13 hours straight. It was incredible. She woke up like Will Ferrell in the debate scene of Old School, renewed and ready to camp. So, we went camping. It was gorgeous. A sunny 78 and a stone’s throw from the playground. We hiked and we ate … oh, how we ate. I mention the eating now as a cautionary tale to any woman who sits with flu-stricken children just 24 hours before said eating. As the children were nestled all snug in their sleeping bags and the adults gathered to gossip and drink grownup juice, I felt my stomach starting to think over my recent decisions. Best to go to sleep, I thought.

At 2 am, I was jolted awake by a very unpleasant, bitchslap of a truth that I can share with you now: Hell is the flu in a popup camper. The angels were with me in only one regard, and that was my parent’s apartment-on-wheels camper, which was just 15 strides away from our swinging door. I know this because I spent the hours between 2 am and 7 am pacing between their trailer and the soup pot that awaited me in the popup. Just after sunrise, my husband was serenaded by dry heaving and snotty snobs.

I was waving the white flag. It was time for me to go home, I thought.

Hank comes out as the saint in this story. This man – this sweet, sweet dad and selfless man – had to pack that whole trailer, unpack it, and then pack it all up again, with three little chicks in tow. Not to mention handle his hysterical other half.

But I suppose every party needs a pooper and that’s why we invited … well, the majority of our family of five. It turns out we gave treats to our party guests as well. As of publishing this post, my mom, brother-in-law and niece were down with the BGs (bubbly guts). Happy 6th birthday JoJo!

All crap aside, you are one of the most amazing people I know. You keep me sharp and challenge me to teach and to listen. This year, more than anything, you surprised me with your courage and determination. I saw fire in those eyes, kid, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You were my first timid step into motherhood – and now to see what has come of that adventure … to see this bold soul finding her voice and her place is so overwhelming. But remember, no matter how old you are, you will always be my baby. You promised!p.s.

This video is the only proof I have that this weekend actually happened. Sloppy Joan chillin with the iPad hanging from the roof of the popup. Good times …